Danger: This is a rant.
An interesting thing has been happening in my office over the last few years. Everyone has been getting married slowly but surely. The last two weddings will take place within the next 3 weeks and after that, the entire office will be married. Well, the entire office except me, two gay coworkers and another coworker somewhere in her late 40’s or early 50’s will be married, and for some reason, people feel the need to point this out to me.
You helped me celebrate the third anniversary of my 30th birthday a few weeks ago, so I’m not a Spring chicken and I’ve seen my fair share of weddings. Right now, I avoid them like the plague because I’ve found that I am not particularly fond of them and most newlyweds in New York are expecting cash gifts of at least $200 per attendee. Too steep for me. Anyway, I know what a wedding is like, and I certainly know what a relationship is like but the government’s incentives for married couples still haven’t convinced me to pull the trigger. Sorry George Bush, it isn’t working with me.
I’ve been with my BF since high school but for some reason, not a week goes by that someone doesn’t feel the need to ask me or him why we are not married or when we are getting married, or as happens at work these days, hints that it’s what I “should” be doing. I want to tell people that guess what, marriage isn’t for everyone. Our parents don’t ask, and our puppy doesn’t care, so why should anyone else? We’ve all seen the statistic where half of marriages end in failure so 2 out of 4 people are getting this marriage thing wrong.
What if I don’t want to get married? What if I want to be unmarried my entire life? Is that so bad? Will a large wedding budget and wedding ring suddenly transform my decade plus relationship? Will it suddenly make my relationship more meaningful? Will it validate our feelings or commitment to each other? Because if you think it will, let me tell you, my signature on a document won’t make me stay in a relationship that isn’t working for me, no matter the cost. Sure, being married would make things like making healthcare decisions on the others behalf and inheritance issues easier, but there are alternatives for that. Ask your committed gay friends.
Here’s the thing, if someone doesn’t ask your opinion about their relationship, their lack of kids, the hairy mole growing in on the left side of their face, or whatever, don’t give it. It’s none of your business. Everyone is different, and maybe I’m just the cream that makes this coffee special.
I reserve the right to change my mind and not invite you to my wedding.