Don’t Have Kids If You Can’t Afford Them
You might be tempted to send me a scathing e-mail after this one. DON’T HAVE KIDS IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD THEM. Having kids is not a right, it’s a privilege, and if your financial situation doesn’t support you having that cute little offspring running around your ankles, then you should have planned better and you should not have had a child…or two…or eight. Yes, I’m talking to you Kate Gosselin.
Here’s the thing, I don’t watch Kate Plus 8 because, quite frankly, I could never stand Kate. I’m talking about from waaaay back when the kids were tiny babies. But that’s not why I’m writing this. I guess the public is no longer fascinated with the show and TLC has decided to cancel it. Kate says that she is apparently “freaking out” about the end of the show because “My kids weren’t ready. Nobody was.” Uh, hello? It’s a television show. The fact that it even lasted this long was a miracle. But here’s the kicker. Oh, you’ll love it. While the rest of us would immediately try to find, you know, a JOB or something, she was seen driving a newly purchased Audi TT-S two-seater sports car. Good choice for a mom of eight, right? The kids can fit in the trunk.
But this isn’t about Kate or the crazy Octomom or even the Duggars (shudder), it’s about all of us that have kids when we have no business doing so, or those of us that keep adding kids to our families and then cry broke. Teresa Giudice from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, you’re next in the cross-hairs. How do you file bankruptcy while living in a gaudy mansion with your seemingly seedy and unemployed husband and then pop out another kid? Is it me? Did I miss the memo?
Listen, kids are expensive. According to the USDA, the national annual average of the cost of raising just one kid is $14,938 (in a two-parent household making up to $99,730 per year). That works out to $268,884 over 18 years and that does NOT include inflation or college. Oh, and that’s just for one kid. Give junior a brother or sister and you’re really in for some pain. Single parent? I’m not even going to bother looking at the numbers. Teen parent ( for all you people that watch 16 & Pregnant)? Forget about it. You’ve just set yourself up for a lifetime of poverty and hardship since, according to the March of Dimes, “Only 40 percent of teenagers who have children before age 18 go on to graduate from high school, compared to 75 percent of teens from similar social and economic backgrounds who do not give birth until ages 20 or 21.”
But it’s not even those statistics that bother me. What bothers me are the average every day people that seem to think that they are entitled to having children just because they can. It will be these same people that are complaining about their finance, or don’t know how they’ll make ends meet for the next month or complain that they don’t know where their money went. Yet, they’ll have no problem adding another child into the family. It does not take a genius to see why you’re having financial problems if you keep on having children. Just because you can have kids doesn’t mean that you should.
I’m now 33 and I don’t have kids. When I started this blog I was 29 and I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids any time soon because, like Suze Ormon would say, “you can not afford it”. I can’t afford it and I know it. That is not a problem for me. What bugs me are people telling me that I should have a child “while I can” because I might regret it later. No, I’d regret it now, because if I am struggling on my own, it would be impossible later with a kid. But then again, there are always social welfare programs, right? I would never qualify because even though I do struggle I make too much. And really, why should I have a child knowing that I can’t afford one and then expect to rely on programs to help me provide for and raise my child? I’ve never collected the Earned Income Credit baby making incentive from the government and I expect that I never will.
When the government recently passed a bill requiring health insurance companies to cover birth control I applauded it. Now, if you have health insurance you have no excuse for the extra little bundle of joy that you were not expecting. We’re living in one of the most developed nations of the world in the year 2011, but did you know that nearly 50% of all pregnancies in 2001 were unplanned? The CDC had a goal of reducing that number to 30% by 2010. I can’t find any documentation to say that they met that goal, but I’m inclined to say that they didn’t.
Look, if you are in your child bearing years and your biological clock is ticking, but the bill collectors are calling, put that alarm on mute. You can not afford it.
Am I wrong?
 UPDATE: Don’t get me wrong and think that I mean that people in low socioeconomic standings shouldn’t have kids. Not at all. I just don’t think that they should expect that social welfare programs will be the main providers for their kids. I pay enough taxes.
I’ll start off with the disclaimer: I don’t have kids. I don’t plan to have them. I wanted them, never happened, now I’m older and single and it’s just not gonna happen. That’s where my perspective comes from.
I think there are a lot of shades of “can’t afford” when it comes to children. I do think it’s possible to have children while you’re in debt – not optimal, but possible. I think it’s possible to have children on a very low income. I think that a lot of the things that we think children “have” to have (part of that $14k a year or whatever the figure is), they really don’t have to have.
I think “can’t afford” is different for everyone and it’s hard for those on the outside to judge.
Having said all of that, I do agree with you to a large degree.
Sure, there are always different degrees to everything. I don’t think that you have to be debt free to have kids, but I’d love for it to be more of a conscious decision for people that’s a little bit more well thought out. If you have 3 kids and are struggling and can’t figure out why…
Couldn’t agree more Sandy. Purposely having kids when you can’t afford them is not sustainable for you, the kid(s), the government and ultimately society.
I know that you and Mrs. SPF are expecting Baby SPF soon. Congrats to you both!
Amen! I agree with all of the above. However, I am in the camp that if you are working hard, and seeking the Lord and a kid comes your way then awesome. God will provide even when you think you do not have enough financially. Kids are a blessing and sometimes you’ll never be financially prepared enough for them. But, I serve a God who provides for our needs and I don’t sit back and expect to be handed money, but I do know he will give us what we need when we are seeking Him and working hard at our jobs. There is a balance.
My maternal grandparents were deeply religious and of the same mind as you. They were incredibly poor and ended up with 16 kids, the last two (a set of twins) of which did not survive. My mother is the youngest of the 14 surviving children. They too also were of the belief that God would provide, but they were also very hard working people. They were farmers in charge of their own living. There was no welfare or government support for them to rely on. Hence they knew that they were materially responsible for every single child that they had.
Grandma, bless her soul, passed away a few years ago at the ripe age of 92 here in the U.S. I know, without a doubt, that she would have said to not have more than you can provide for. In fact she probably would have been a bit more blunt than that. You can have as large a family as you want as long as you can provide for them.
I totally agree with you.
I was a teenage mother (unplanned, obvs). I have BUSTED MY ASS to beat the statistics and provide for my son. But I also made the decision not to have any more kids. I couldn’t afford the one I had (I can now, thankfully) but I sure wasn’t going to have more on purpose!
I want my son to have advantages. I want him to go to college. I want to be able to pay for him to participate in activities and go places with his friends while he’s still a kid. And I couldn’t do most of those things if I had another child to support and take care of.
Too many people worry about things like “Only children are spoiled” or “I want my snowflake to have a sibling so they can be BFFs!” Well, that’s great, but only if you can pay for all the kids you pop out. Kids are ridiculously expensive, and it’s no one’s job to take care of them except their parents.
A single mom signing in! Andrea you’ve obviously worked hard to overcome being a statistic and you didn’t have a reality show to help you. Kudos to you for standing up and shouldering your responsibilities. And really, there’s nothing wrong with being an only kid. Millions of Chinese do it (unfortunately they’re forced), but there’s nothing wrong with an only child.
I agree with you about 95% on this, but I think the issue is a lot more complicated. First of all, I’d disagree that it’s a privilege to have children. If you are in a two parent household with both parents working (even for minimum wage), you have the right to have a child, and if you need a bit of government help in the early years (not welfare, but, say, childcare subsidies), then I think you should have it. Because someone’s got to work those jobs, and who are you or I to say someone like that shouldn’t have kids?
I guess the problem I have with reasoning like this is that there is a finite amount of time for a woman to have a child, physically, and that timeline does NOT always line up with the time that she is most financially ready. Why this is a problem is that the first five years of a child’s life are undoubtedly the most expensive (I know later years are expensive, too, but you can skimp on things like clothes and food, but you still HAVE to put a child in daycare when they’re babies).
So, in theory, if a woman graduates from university at 22, with a mountain of debt. Spends a few years working up her career, and probably at least 10 paying off than debt, now she’s 32. Then she and hubby save for a couple of years to have a little cushion, a house, etc. Then they’re financially “ready” at 35. Well, by 35, it genuinely might be too late. OR too late to have kids without the aid of fertility treatments, which are expensive.
Now, I don’t have kids, nor am I ready for them (I’m only 24), but I think I’d rather have kids when I’m not *quite* ready (and yes, I would fully take advantage of childcare subsidies because I work full time and the cost of childcare in my city is, for one infant, more than my take-home pay) and struggle for a few years, and catch up later, than wait until I’m *totally* ready, and risk having missed my shot.
Now, if people are having kids and immediately going on welfare, then that’s an entirely different story, which I’m completely against. But I think the issues is just that the time when couples are “supposed” to have kids (mid-late 20s) is the time when they will ALWAYS be the most financially vulnerable. It’s all about walking that line, I’d say. But that’s just my two cents.
35 might absolutely be too late for kids. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that it might never happen for me. I’m okay with that.
I don’t think that someone has to be completely debt free and living in the perfect white picket fenced house to have kids. If that were the case, children would be just for the rich.
I think that if you’re in dire financial straits and buried under debt you should surely give it a second thought.
I totally agree that someone in dire financial straights needs to sort their own stuff out before having kids! 100%
I also just know a lot of people who were all, “Holy shit! My girlfriend/wife is pregnant! No way can we afford a kid!” and they all worked things out just fine. They adjusted. I think it just all depends on the choices we make, and as long as we’re OK with our own choices, that’s what matters.
I’m not sure I get the logic. You “have” to put a child in daycare as a baby? Says who? I know lots and lots of people who don’t put their child in daycare – and not because they’re filthy rich and didn’t have to work either.
You can skimp on clothes and food? Huh?
And 35 is “absolutely too late” to have children?
Sorry. I don’t buy into any of that at all.
The point I was trying to make was that you can cut back on groceries by meal planning, couponing, etc., and you can shop thrift stores for clothes, but if you have to put a kid in daycare (and let’s face it, most people do, because most families require two incomes), then you have to do it. Period. And there’s no such thing as “discount” daycare.
And both Sandy and I said that 35 *might* be too late, not that it for sure is. Look at any statistics. Fertility starts declining after age 30, and significantly once a woman hits 35. I’m not saying a woman at 35 isn’t likely to conceive a healthy child, just that any woman who waits that long is absolutely taking a gamble that it might not come easily.
COMPLETELY DISAGREE. It is NOT ok to know that you can’t afford childcare and to rely on subsidies. You know who pays for that? And your Medicare? And WIC? And ADC? I DO. And I have two kids, born when I was 34 and 36, because that’s when I planned to have them because my husband and I made enough to raise them when we were in our mid-30s. We didn’t, however, plan to make enough to pay for YOUR KIDS TOO. If you can’t afford it, DON’T HAVE KIDS.
You need a license to get a dog, but not to have a baby. Ugh. This sense of entitlement is exactly what got this country into the trouble it’s in today.
I don’t live in the US, but actually, from where I’m sitting, it’s the predominant attitude of “I’ll take care of my own and screw everyone else” that got your country to where it is today.
NO, Melissa, it’s the entitlement crowd that sucks the country DRY while the rest of us work our butts off that got this country in the mess that it is in. Less than 1/2 of us actually pay taxes – the remainder are leaches.
Living outside the USA puts you at an intellectual disadvantage on this matter. You need to sit down and be quiet so as not to show your abject ignorance.
I agree about the entitle. This is what created big family reality tv today. I always hear you shouldn’t wait on money but you also shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew once you start having kids. .
totally agree……….we have asked what our country can do for us, screw the other guy………its quite a shame.
Anybody can license a dog even if your homeless and can not feed it.
I think that if having a baby is *really* important to a couple, then they should go for it (assuming this couple isn’t, say, 16). I’ve heard that there really is no BEST time to have a child (although I can imagine plenty of circumstances that would make it a worst time). But most folks made it through perfectly fine with a baby, and most of them didn’t feel 100% ready to have a child. I really believe that if you are smart and dedicated and a decent human being, you’ll be able to figure out how to make the best life you can for your family, baby included.
It is great to say this in theory, but those who can least afford kids are the ones who would not take the time to make any responsible decisions about having them in the first place. Anyone who takes the time to think about and care about the decision making process will probably do OK in life anyway. Many are just thinking about the process of conception rather than the end result.
If the “process” just wasn’t as fun life would be simple. Although that whole child birthing process sounds like a killer. That’s what’s given me pause for years.
Actually the process can be absolutely frustrating. Even for people without fertility problems. It’s no fun when you are trying to conceive and “have to do it” when you’re on in the mood just because its the “right time” of the month. LOL, sorry if TIA.
Yeah there goes my Friday night.
The subject of having kids is a very touchy one. I agree that you shouldn’t have kids if your plan to support them is help from the government/society, etc.
I do have children, my DH and I can definitely provide for them. We don’t qualify nor do we take any government handouts, welfare, etc.
It does frustrate me to know that if we were on welfare, then I would get free respite childcare to give me a break. I would also get tons of subsidies for my daycare and food stamps, etc. However, I believe that we must provide for our own children as we are responsible for them.
PS> I hate Kate, she just turns my stomach. I really believe that she is just exploiting her children for all they’re worth. I shudder to think the psychological issues those kids will have when they grow up.
Sandy, I agree. I had my only child after we were out of school and graduate school with steady jobs! Money was definitely a concern in the decision.
And I’m sure that you absolutely are in love with your child.
If you think you can’t provide a decent life for your kid(s), don’t have them.
Will save you and your potential kids a lot of grief!
Nothing mean about this view, just practical.
A view from a dad! That’s what I’m talking about.
I couldn’t agree more. My wife and I aren’t planning on having kids. Not for financial reasons, but it does pay off in the end. It’s interesting how upset people get. I just recently guest posted at retireby40 (http://retireby40.org/2011/09/hands-off-retirement-plan) and some thought I was crazy for including not having kids in my retirement plan.
Good for you for making a smart choice.
I included the link for you. I’m sure that when you say that you’re not having kids, people look at you like you grew a second head. I don’t understand why people don’t get that not everyone wants to be or can be a parent.
Agreed.
For those who want to have kids, i only ask one question: Can you afford to give kids their needs, buy them milk, and send them to school? If your answer is no, then you do not have the right to have kids!
Hubby and I are ignoring the constant bombarding of our family and peers having babies at our age. I love kids, I truly do, and we want to have a nice size family, but we’re simply not in the position to do so. I let that constant reminder ring in when I’m having baby fever. We simply can’t afford it. I set up a baby bucket list of things to do before we pop one out. I want to be able to provide for our child/children. Like you noted, they’re not cheap. Sure, we have help within our family, but I don’t want to rely on them. I want to be sure we can afford them. And we still have time. I want to have them before we turn 30 (for personal reasons) so we have a good 9 years to go!
But you get $1,000 credit per kid from the gov’t!
I don’t think that the $1K even covers the hospital copay.
I completely agree with you, Sandy! As a preface, I’m 24, married, and neither of us have plans to ever have children. In fact, we’re opposed to the idea. But this gives me the perfect opportunity to rant about my family, lol.
They’re in a financially bad place already with one kid, who was unplanned. They’re BUYING A HOUSE when they can’t even afford to have an inspection done on the house they’re making an offer on. No down payment to speak of. And this family member’s girlfriend is already talking about having another child. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!
Not to mention… The reason they’re not married? She’s able to reap benefits from government programs because she’s unemployed, even though she’s living with him and he’s paying all of their bills and expenses.
It’s really frustrating to me to watch anyone choose to follow through with a pregnancy (or have risky sex that leads to a pregnancy) when they’re barely able to financially support themselves. That CDC statistic is staggering. Of course, that could lead to the whole other topic of how absolutely brain dead people who support abstinence-only sex education are.
There’s definitely a difference between having a few thousand in student loans and having a kid versus not being able to pay your bills, knowing you’d be going on government assistance, but having a baby anyway because it’s your “right.” I’ve had many an argument with a certain coworker who believes “This is America. We can have as many babies as we want! We can use as many resources as we want! No one can tell us what to do!” I’m thinking not only of all the unwanted children growing up in foster care or in broken homes but also of the strain it puts on our public education system, our welfare system, etc. I’m sorry but no way am I going to support the girl down the street who just had her third child by a different man. My tax dollars can be used for much better things than her working out her daddy issues through unprotected sex. (Not in any way saying the majority of people are like this, just that these cases really piss me off. And they’re the cases I encounter every time I meet someone in my area on government assistance.)
I do agree with the sentiment that one should be financially able to provide for their kids before considering having one. Makes sense, especially coming from a PF blog. But there are so many other emotions and reasons that factor in when it comes to children…and for many people, finance is not the biggest reason.
I thought I never wanted to have kids. In fact, in my late 20′s/early 30′s, I was living in NY…and when the twin towers fell, the first phone call was to my parents to make sure they were OK – the second thing out of my mouth was “I’m never having kids”. The world seemed so evil then, and I couldn’t imagine bringing more life into this kind of world.
Fast forward 10+ years, I now have two kids and am living a relatively comfortable middle class life. I can’t imagine not having them, and I don’t know what I was thinking back then! I had them both after 35 (one at 37 and the other at 39) with no problems or complications. We really weren’t planning to have them, but let nature take its course, and they happened.
I don’t think 35 is too late to have kids – in fact, most of my friends that concentrated on their careers have put off having kids well into their 30′s, and none have had problems. The majority of my friends have had kids in their 30′s, not 20′s. It’s a small data set, but I think if you look at the statistics, the majority of people conceiving after 35 do not have problems. Compared to people in their 20′s, yes, the complications are absolutely higher (exponentially). But complications are still a very minor even that late into the game. If you are worried about kids because of age issues (not finance), then do more research, you may find that it’s not that much of a “gamble” to have them later in life, unless you are very risk-averse.
Babies and the need for progeny is very much an emotional thing. But we also need to be rational. You thought that you didn’t want kids but then changed your mind. That’s fine. You’re allowed.
The difference here is that you could afford to do so. There are lots of people out there neither financially not emotionally equipped to have kids. The proof is in how many children end up in foster care.
I did change my mind, and I am in a situation to have kids financially, so I do not apply here. However, I am talking about the people for whom kids are a lifelong dream, and they must have them no matter what the cost. I suppose you can tell them to become more financially stable first if it is really that big of a dream.
But do consider those that throw away everything for a dream…many have given up money for a lifestyle that they want. For some, that may be giving up everything to go travel the world. Or give over their savings to their church. Or become Mother Theresa for a cause. Or perhaps, have kids. Have you ever had a dream that you’d throw everything away for? Perhaps there is nothing for you that trumps the security of having a financial safety net first. There’s nothing wrong with that. But many people are not wired that way, and I don’t think that’s it’s wrong…unless they are having kids just to take advantage of the system.
Maybe I’m too optimistic in thinking that not everyone is an Octomom or Kate who’s out to make a buck.
I always dreamed of having three children. Two boys and a girl. But here I am, 30, married and making a very nice combined salary, with two perfect daughters. I think about what that little boy would look like, what I would name him, etc, etc. However, at the end of the day, I know I cannot afford him. Between medical costs of pregnancy, time off of work, and daycare for three kids, I would probably eat up my entire salary. Staying home isn’t an option because a) I love my job and don’t want to quit and b) we need the health benefits.
So, instead of being immature and just saying “I want it so I’ll just go do it”, I choose to be grateful for the two I have and enjoy them to the fullest. Besides, if something were to happen to my husband, can I really expect a family member to raise three children for me? It would be difficult enough to raise the two I’ve already got.
[...] at Yes, I Am Cheap had an awesome rant/post about children and finances. Â Namely – if you cannot afford ‘em, don’t have ‘em. Â I agree [...]
[...] Don’t Have Kids If You Can’t Afford Them (Yes, I Am Cheap) [...]
[...] at Yes, I Am Cheap wrote Don’t Have Kids If You Can’t Afford Them. I completely understood and agreed with Sandy’s point of view. Too many people are having [...]
I hope you’re pro-choice and support sex-ed in schools and easy access to birth control!
All of the above, but they are not all requirements to ensuring that you don’t have kids if you’re not prepared for them.
I don’t think you can ever really expect what a kid will cost. Still, if you are struggling to make ends meet then you really have to think hard about what another mouth to fed will do to your budget. We would love to have a bigger family (we have 3 children) but we know financially another child would be difficult. We’re not happy about that but it’s the reality of it. You have to be able to take care of your own.
[...] | Save Gas – The Financial and Health Benefits of Walking or Biking to Work Yes I Am Cheap | Don’t Have Kids If You Can’t Afford Them Money Smarts Blog | Why I Have an Emergency Fund I Will Teach You To Be Rich | The Money Diaries: [...]
I shrug when I hear stories of women wanting to have another child so she can get more money from the government.
Sometimes I think there should be a test people have to pass in order to have kids. 
Finances aside, some people are not fit to be parents… 
There are tons of ifs, ands, or buts that may come up, but yes, I agree, people should not have kids on purpose when they know they can’t afford them. It’s a drain on society’s resources at that point. I am 28 and don’t think I want kids (we’ll see), but if I have one, no one else will have to support it…
I couldn’t agree with you more. If you can’t afford to support your kids, don’t have them. Quit depending on the government for anything, but especially kids!
Full disclosure: We have 5 kids, which we support on my income alone, and my wife stays at home with them. We make sacrifices and sometimes it FEELS as if we are poor, but we have enough, we are debt-free (except for the house), and we add to our savings constantly
Wow Bret, good for you! 5 kids, debt-free, with savings — congratulations! You are doing a really excellent job and you’re a great role model.
I hope that other parents who think “I can’t afford it” look at your example to see that it really CAN be done. And no one should aim to become dependent on government assistance to support their own family!!
Oops — “Bert,” not “Bret.” Sorry for misspelling your name!
[...] she missed the deadline but this post was so good we had to make an exception. Sandy of Yes I Am Cheap has a radical idea: maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have kids if you can’t afford [...]
It just doesn’t bother me to have my taxes go to programs like food and healthcare for the poor.
When I was 30 and pregnant I decided to divorce my abusive husband. Yes, I wish I would have decide to leave him before I got pregnant. But I didn’t. My life wasn’t that nice and neat at that point. I worked two jobs up until the day before I delivered her. I went back to work 5 weeks after I gave birth. I was able to bring my baby to work but even with that I chose to take assistance (health care and food stamps). I spent very little money on either one of us. She was breast fed and friends kept giving me their baby hand-me-downs. If assistance was not available I would have done the same thing (I’m pretty sure.) I’m glad I had the help because I truly believe it gave me that much needed bridge that got me self-sufficient again.
I don’t buy into the myth that kids cost that much. My kids have everything they need and we don’t come close to spending that much on them in a year!
Hi Molly,
Glad that you were able to make the best out of your situation. I think that when they factor in costs they assume that you might get a bigger place, spend more on electric, etc., added doctor bills, time off from work, childcare, etc.
I am not surprised that the amount of unplanned pregnancies is 50%. No birth control company will guarantee that you will not become pregnant. I have several friends who are a result of “failed” birth control.
I am surprised that your post wasn’t more focused on abstinence…since even surgical procedures have failure rates. Abstinence is dirt cheap too!
I think a bigger issue is the people who can afford to have kids and are not having them. We still do not have a cure for cancer or Aids. We need good leaders and inventors.
Remember, I didn’t say don’t have sex! Kids are 100% avoidable if you don’t have sex but if you double up on contraceptives (barrier and hormonal) it comes pretty close too. People that can afford to have kids and are not having them might have their reasons. I know that more educated people are delaying kids as they are focused on their careers during their childbearing years. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want them.
Lots of people in my office are having kids right now. Most of them happen to be in their mid to late 30s. There’s nothing wrong with that.
[...] by Sandy on September 21st, 2011 Posted in Learn Something Tags: poverty My post called Don’t Have Kids if You Can’t Afford them has stirred up a little controversy. I’ve been called everything from [...]
[...] for August.EP3: Back to the having kids topic. Sandy @ YesIamCheap throws down the gauntlet with Don’t Have Kids If You Can’t Afford Them. No pulled punches here. Given others articles regarding the level of which Sandy “ [...]
I am a SAHM of 4 kids. I am 31. My kids are 13, 7, 2, and 3. I had my first when I was 17, a Senior in HS. I am married to my first childs father, been married almost 13 years. I am in school full time studying nursing. We received state social services when I was finishing high school. Haven’t since then. Could we afford a baby 13 years ago? No. Did we survive. Yes. We bought our first home when our son was just 15 months old. Still reside there. We’ve had our financial struggles, especially recently with the economy. Could we afford to have the 2nd, 3rd or the last? We made it happen-we only buy what we need, we HAVE NEVER been on a vacation, we don’t have cable/satellite TV, no credit cards to pay on, 1 car payment, and I shop with coupons and buy sale items. My kids dont wear designer brands, but they have nice clothes. My kids dont eat fancy, 5 course meals, we eat sensibly and affordably. My kids take their lunch to school. We shop resale for decent, gently used toys. We cut corners and do without to live within our means and support the children. I go to school on full time grant and will be done in 2 years. Having children should not be based solely on financial capability. If you can sacrifrice things for yourself, you’ll be able to have a child/family one day. If we all waited to have kids, the world would definitely end in 2012. I dont think it’s selfish (trust me I would love to get my hair done and my nails, and go on vacation), but we chose to not live that way in order to have a family. Do I regret any of it? No way in hell. My kids are my breath, my life and my reason for being.
If you’ve made the sacrifices to be able to afford children, then you’ve done fine. There are people that genuinely have nothing left to cut, that depend on one generation to the next on government assistance, and know of nothing else. They truly can not afford children, but your family and I pay for them to do so. What the video at http://yesiamcheap.com/2011/09/raising-a-family-on-less-than-600-a-month/
When I see starving kids, in Africa or wherever, I just think.. why did they even have a kid?
it’s a question that a lot of us ask.
It’s easy to judge when you’re not poor or don’t want children. I AM poor and I DO want kids. I’m trying to scrape enough money together to go back to school (which I quit because my family and I couldn’t afford to keep paying the tuition). I work 40+ hours per week, and I’ve been trying to get a 2nd job to build up some savings. So far I haven’t heard back, because why hire me when there are thousands without a 1st job? I’m stuck. The months and years keep ticking by – I’m turning 27 soon – and there’s no end in sight. I wanted to have children while I was still young and be active for them, and my grandkids even! I want my mother to live long enough to see her grandkids (her health is fading).
People tell me to just suck it up and get a loan. Because being a slave to a bank IS responsible, but creating a new human being to love and nurture and who will go on to live and love themselves isn’t? Good to know.
It breaks my heart to just keep watching the days pass, knowing despite years of denial that being a good person and working hard doesn’t earn you jack shit unless you’re lucky or have someone else’s help. So don’t give me that “pull yourself out of poverty” bullshit. I work hard, I pay my taxes just like you do. Someday, maybe I will get lucky, but what if it’s too late then? What if I can’t have children at that point, or they have developmental problems because I CHOSE to wait until it was more comfortable for me to have kids? Isn’t that selfish too?
You can tell me to wait, that maybe the money will come. All I know is that while money MIGHT come, time only goes. Why is my life – or that of my potential children – worth less than someone with more money?
Hi Sophia,
I’ve been poor. I write quite a bit about that. You can with I Grew Up Poor And Survived. This article is directed towards those choosing to have children when they are already struggling. To me it’s like running a marathon when you can hardly jog.
I know that many people make the case that waiting can have the effect of them not being able to have kids later. There is always that possibility. No one says that you have to be rich to have kids. Not at all. But I still contend that if you’re struggling now and can hardly make ends meet, bringing a child into the world with all of the responsibilities and finances that it takes to support a child is not the best, most rational decision.
Well said Sandy! My husband and I waited until we were done with grad school, both had jobs, settled into a house and were financially ready. Heck, we even made sure that we could live on one salary in case we decided that daycare wasn’t for us. And guess what? After a month of daycare, I quit my job to become a stay-at-home Mom. Consequently we are going to wait a little longer to have our second child. And if we don’t feel comfortable enough, we will choose NOT to have a second child. We chose to be responsible throughout our entire lives; we did not end up here by luck or someone’s help. We had loans up the ying-yang and worked our way through college. We had our first child at 29.
It can be done! Good for you for taking responsibility for your own lives. People complain about others on welfare and bailouts, and taxes etc., but then they do things that force the rest of us to support them. Kudos to you and your hubby. Does he have a brother?
Hopefully people will heed this advice. Too many families out there having children without the means to take care of them then expecting the tax payers to do so. I currently only have 1 child and as soon as i found out i was too be a father I didn’t hesitate to to find ways to make more money so as to not have to depend on others to help me get by. I did it in a poverty stricken area so I don’t see why others cant.
I agree with you 100 percent. “Can’t feed ‘em, don’t breed um.”
I don’t have kids for many reasons, one of which is because I don’t have the financial resources to give a child what he or she needs.
[...] No Money? No Kids! If you aren’t financially sound, you may want to wait for a family. [Yes, I Am Cheap] [...]
This article is what I needed to see, My husband and I got married really early and have been together for ten years and have a amazing four year old little girl whom we have in private school and ballet and try to do what is right for her, And we are being put down for this so many of my “friends” are popping out kids like they are gumball machines and it makes me sick they are all on the system and have the guts to talk down on me because we don’t have a litter like them, they are all pregnant now and pushing my husband and I out of there group well you know what we have been blessed to be buying our own home, work for what we got and planning to retire someday and put her in collage when the time comes and they call me to borrow money so….really REALLY???
God have mercy on your souls. Children are a blessing. God wants us to reproduce. Birth control is a sin. All who say you can’t affor it are just selfish!!!!!:((( God will provide all our needs if we just put our trust in him
My soul is just fine. And the Lord helps those who help themselves, right? I wonder how willing everyone who says to go ahead and have kids and that somehow they will be provided for are to adopt a bunch of kids…or pay more taxes so that it will go to social welfare programs.
Are you serious?
I simply cannot imagine my life without my boys. Yes, raising kids is expensive but you can make the budget work regardless of your current financial situation.
I had my first daughter at 20, and at the time I had a full time job with benefits. I was a single mom for 2 years, working and doing it on my own without support from my ex or govt assistance beside housing. Now I am married with two girls. Due to the economy, I could not find a job and still cant, plus my husbands conflicting work schedule. I had no choice but to ask for govt assistance and I still use it and I feel shame everyday. So I enrolled in college for an associates degree. I hope in 5 years when I turn 30 I can have this nightmare behind me lol. I feel like a loser everyday that I cant get a job and barely take care of my girls. Granted they have three meals a day, clothes that fit and warm beds, I know I can do more for them and God will help me work hard so we can do it on our own. One thing I have learned is it does help to be ready for kids, but you will never be prepared. Life throws some curveballs, just go with it and have faith.
Don’t be ashamed of using those programs. One of the greatest things about the U.S. are the safety nets in place.
Thank you, Sandy. I am grateful they are there, but I wanted it to be temporary, thinking I would find at least a part time job. I dont know of anyone personally that has kids just to live off the govt, but I know they are out there. I guess thats why I always feel like I have to defend myself when people look down on me(people have).
The cold hard fact is that if not for religion convincing people that birth control is bad, the world population would be far lower and povery rates would be lower across the board, not to mention far less pollution and less need for dangerous types of energy production like nuclear power plants just to get enough power for all the swarms of people.
I agree, I don’t have children as I was never ‘blessed’ with any. I don’t mean to say that if you want them and they come your way that you should be hindered. However I resent the people who have children for monetary gain. Yes, there are people that do. I know of some personally. If you want to know the ins and outs email me. If you want to anonymously think I know not of what I speak, I have no patience for a non topic. I foster and care for many children and I’ve never once taken money for my own benefit. I never will nor would I ever.
I totally agree with you.
I disagree with you. I don’t think that having money makes you ready to have a child. There is something else that make you more fit for parenting and it is definitely not how much money you have. If there are two people who love each other and have the knowledge of knowing that they must sacrifice everything for their child, they are the ones who deserve the privilege of a child, despite how much or how little they make, because they WILL be the BEST parents. If a child has all of the love they need, they don’t really require as much money as some may think. How much the parents care is what will decide how the child ends up and I don’t particularly care if the most fit parent is the one that needs welfare, that is Ok. As a taxpayer I am willing to pay for “good parent” to raise good citizens. I do not on the other hand appreciate paying for those who have children for the money and raise criminals.
My goodness… I am married 23 with zero kids. My husband and I make almost 90k a year and we don’t have enough money for children. How do people that make 25-30k afford it? I will never understand. Being young is the best time of your life, to travel and to see other countries meet new people. However, to have a child young then hate THE CHILD b/c you didn’t get to live your life is completely ridiculous to me. As i type this we are planning a trip to Italy for the weekend. Then the following week we are going to Miami just b/c we CAN. I wouldn’t have children now even if someone paid me to have them. I don’t dislike children, I just feel like ppl feel like they are empowered to have them just b/c they can. God, this God that is ridiculous. If GOD is truly providing to you then sit at home to go to work and lets see if the dollars keep rolling in. the reason and the ONLY reason you can provide for your family is by waking up everyday going to work or living off the system. if those things weren’t in place you would be F%*&K. People that have 4,5,6 kids must be crazy. the ONLY way I would have so many children is if they all come out the same time. I wish I could say God provides for me, but that would be a LIE. My husband and myself provide for each other. If we didn’t we would be homeless. sorry but its just the truth.
Say it like you mean it!
It’s all good and well to say one must be financially stable before having children, but let me remind you of one VERY important fact: If OUR parents had ALL waited until they were financially stable to have US, most of us wouldn’t BE HERE!!!!! You cannot plan everything in life. Children are brought into this world at a specific time for a specific reason- any different time and it wouldn’t have been that exact child. It’s fine to sit back and tell people what they should/should not do- you have your opinion and you’re entitled to it, but that doesn’t make it gospel truth. Having never had any children, you are not in a position to speak on this matter. I have two beautiful sons, one is disabled, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re not rich and his hospital bills are a lot at times but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children- anybody remember this thing called a recession? It hit a lot of us; you can’t control the economy or the world, so you do the best you can.