I had an interesting conversation with my cousin over lunch – which she made me pay for, damn college student – as we discussed taxes. Well, no we started out discussing all of the pimps and prostitutes that she runs into at parties as an intern for our state government, but that’s a whole different story. What I explained to her was although prostitution itself was illegal; the IRS really doesn’t care what it is that you do for a living, as long as they get their cut. It’s the tax evasion charge that usually has people spending years in jail.
The IRS doesn’t care if you’re an illegal alien working here when you shouldn’t be. It doesn’t care if you’re growing weed in your basement, as long as when you sell it, you let them know. Because really, Uncle Sam just wants its cut of whatever you make. The government’s pimp hand is way strong.
Our conversation veered into deductions that you could take, even if you were a uhm, “Adult Talent Agent” – read pimp; or if you were an “Adult Entertainment Specialist” – read prostitute; or even if you were a “Street Corner Pharmacist” – that one you already know. I slept on it overnight and came up with a list of deductions that you would take if you were a prostitute, streetwalker, hooker, call girl, or “Adult Entertainment Specialist”.
- Advertising Fees
Remember the good ole days of the Adult section on Craigslist when hookers advertised their wares without having to pay a fee? Back before serial killers started trolling Craigslist for victims and cops started busting the women who advertised on there? Wait, hookers, still post there? If you’re not on Craigslist (smart move), you need to make sure that someone knows about your service. That’s where the back pages of the Village Voice and other local weeklies come in. They’ll take your money and advertise your “Asian body work” or “adult massage” just like any other advertiser. I smell a deduction. - Hotels
If you’re not working on a street corner, in the back of a car, or in a bathroom stall nearby, you might spring for anything from the local motel to the Ritz. If it’s rented just for you to meet clients and perform your job, guess what, it’s coming off the taxes baby! - Cell Phone
If you have a phone number that you maintain just for clients, guess what, it’s a business expense too. Just don’t use it as your regular phone and you should be fine. If you’re avoiding the cops, I suggest something pre-paid where they don’t need your name…or so I hear, so I hear. - Transportation Fees
If you’re especially high on the hooker rung, you might have to travel to meet your clients. It doesn’t matter if you fly somewhere to meet them, if you have a car service pick you up, or if you take the bus. Transportation is transportation and I’d be deducting those costs if I were you. - Bail Money and Legal Representation
If you’re in a place where prostitution isn’t legal, you might want to add up the cost of bail if you eventually get caught. Add to that the cost of your lawyer if you’re not using a public defender or taking a plea deal. I would keep one on retainer just in case. Just don’t barter with them and swap your services. You can catch something nasty from a lawyer. - Professional Management Fees
Do you have a pimp? Sorry, I meant to say “Talent Agent”. If you’re going to be handing someone 50% of what you make, (which I hear is the going rate) then you should at least deduct those fees and issue that bad boy a 1099. This is the same if you’re a high priced hooker, sorry, call girl, having to pay a madam. It’s all the same service with a different name. And while we’re at it, real Talent Agents only charge 15%, so get rid of the pimp and keep your money. - Work Clothes
I’m assuming that as a prostitute, you wouldn’t be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We’ve all seen women who we thought were dressed like hookers, or at least they should be a hooker. I’m going to guess that you need to specifically purchase some street walker gear just for this job, so let’s deduct those clothes. …especially the hooker shoes. High priced girls, if you’re going to special events with your clients, you get to deduct those ball gowns. - Condoms
Ah, well, I don’t know what to say about this one, but it’s a tool of the trade, or at least it should be, so let’s just leave it at that. - Medical Dues
I’m lumping a bunch into this one, but I think you can only deduct this one if it exceeds 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. Someone has to treat your STD’s, pay for your birth control, administer AIDS tests and the like, so, uhm, yeah. Add to that the psychiatrist that you’ll need to see at some point and, deduction!
I’m not promoting the profession, I’m just proving the point that you can deduct lots of things, as long as they are legitimate business expenses. Sometimes your deductions really depend on what you do for a living.
Did I miss anything else that a hooker could possibly deduct? Leave them in the comments!
